There Is More Than One Way - Let's Rethink Leadership

Sunday I sat in a pew at First Congregational Church in Hopkinton listening to an old friend, David Keller, preach a sermon titled Uptown, Downtown.

I haven't stopped thinking about it.

David shared stories from his time serving communities in New York City. He spoke honestly about what it meant to arrive "downtown" carrying all the good intentions of people "uptown." Programs were designed. Resources were gathered. Decisions were made.

But somewhere along the way, something important was missing. The people making the decisions weren't the people living the experience. The assumption was simple: We know what you need.

No one stopped long enough to ask.

It wasn't malicious. It was compassionate people trying to help, but compassion without curiosity easily becomes control.

And that's the danger.

As David spoke, I realized how often we all fall into this pattern. We convince ourselves that our way is the right way. Our beliefs.Our traditions.Our systems.Our definition of success. Then, often without realizing it, we begin asking everyone else to conform.

History has a name for that.

Colonization.

Not always through countries or governments. Sometimes through ideas, education, faith and leadership.

And if I'm honest, I've done it too.

I grew up believing there was one right way to experience God. One right way to worship, to understand faith, to belong. Personally, I loved the traditions and being surrounded by my family and my community.

But I also carried questions.

Questions that didn't seem to have room to breathe. Then I found the United Church of Christ. For the first time, I wasn't told exactly what my relationship with God had to look like.

I discovered that communion could happen in silence, hiking, in conversation. While serving someone else, listening instead of speaking. My spirituality didn't become weaker, it became bigger. Because I finally understood something simple:

There was more than one way.

That realization has completely transformed the way I think about leadership. And it has become the foundation of Peers not Fears. For decades, schools have largely defined leadership the same way.

The students with the highest grades, who follow every rule. The students adults already trust. The students who look like leaders because they've learned how school rewards certain behaviors. Those students deserve opportunities.

But they are not the only students capable of leadership.

Not even close. We need to rethink leadership.

Leadership is not an award for being compliant. Leadership is a skill.

And skills are developed, not discovered. Every student deserves the opportunity to develop them. Especially the ones who struggle, ask hard questions, made mistakes and the ones adults haven't quite figured out yet.

https://youtu.be/a2hKTEJ9Dd8?si=i1XjI-uEO0qcqbkU

If leadership is reserved only for students who already fit the mold, we aren't developing leaders.

We're reinforcing a hierarchy.

When leadership becomes exclusive, students don't necessarily learn how to lead people. They learn how to earn approval. They learn how to navigate systems.

They learn which rules matter and which people hold power.

Some become exceptionally good at looking like leaders without ever learning how to listen, collaborate, admit mistakes, repair relationships, or grow through failure.

That's not leadership. That's performance.

Real leadership is messy.

It requires humility conflict, accountability, repair AND growth. You don't learn those things by being perfect. You learn them by practicing them.

This is why Peers not Fears isn't a leadership program for the "best" students.

It's a leadership development program for students.

All students.

The quiet, outspoken, anxious, athletes, the artists. The students who have never imagined themselves as leaders. The students who have already been told they aren't. Because leadership belongs to all of them.

This philosophy means Peers not Fears isn't the right fit for every school.

If your vision of student leadership is built around selecting the same small group of already successful students, celebrating them, and calling that leadership development, we're probably not aligned. If leadership is something students earn after proving themselves worthy, we're probably not aligned. If mistakes automatically disqualify students from future leadership opportunities instead of becoming moments for coaching, reflection, and growth, we're probably not aligned.

Because I don't believe leadership should be protected for the few. I believe it should be developed in the many.

That requires schools willing to rethink long-held assumptions.

Not because educators don't care. They absolutely do.

But caring isn't enough.

Just like David's sermon reminded me, good intentions don't guarantee good outcomes. Sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is ask the people we're trying to serve what they actually need.

Then listen. Really listen.

David's sermon wasn't really about Uptown and Downtown.

At least, not for me.

It was about humility and curiosity, about recognizing that none of us possesses the complete picture. Whether we're talking about faith, community, or leadership, the moment we believe there is only one right way is the moment we stop learning from one another.

To rethink leadership we have to know leadership is not about creating more people who think like us.

It's about creating communities where every person discovers how they can lead in a way that is authentically their own. That's the work I'm building.

That's the work Peers not Fears exists to do.

And I believe our schools—and our communities—will be stronger because of it.

If that challenges the way we've always defined leadership, then perhaps it's time to ask a different question.

Not, "Who are our leaders?"

But, "Who have we never given the chance to become one?"