The Courage to Ask for Help: Redefining Strength in Leadership and Community

Lorraine Connell
Dec 27, 2025
3 min read

Introduction: When Did Asking for Help Become a Weakness?

Somewhere along the way, we started to believe that “strong leaders” do everything themselves. We glorify independence, grit, and perseverance — often at the expense of connection, collaboration, and shared growth. As a result, asking for help has become synonymous with failure or weakness.

But here’s the truth: leadership isn’t about carrying it all alone. It’s about building bridges, inviting support, and empowering others to contribute their strengths.

And when we don’t model that, the ripple effect spreads — in our homes, our schools, and our communities.

The Leadership Myth: Doing It All Alone

In my work with schools and families, I see this belief play out all the time. Leaders — whether they’re principals, teachers, parents, or students — often think competence means self-sufficiency.

We assume that the moment we ask for help , others will question our ability. So we stay quiet, take on more, and tell ourselves that this is what leadership looks like.

Yet the cost is enormous:

Leaders burn out.
Parents become resentful.
Teams lose opportunities to grow.
Children learn that strength means silence.

The truth is, leadership without collaboration isn’t sustainable. It’s isolating.

Modeling the Problem: The Family Connection

You see this everywhere in family life. Mothers carry the invisible load — managing, organizing, caring — and then feel frustration when others don’t step up. But often, it’s because we never asked for help.

When we don’t ask, we don’t teach our children or partners that it’s okay to help.

We don’t create the space for others to step in.

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a form of leadership. It communicates trust, invites collaboration, and strengthens relationships.

When our children see us asking for help, they learn that vulnerability and teamwork are part of being strong — not signs of failure.

Aging, Community, and the Fear of Help

This fear doesn’t fade with age; it deepens.Our older population often struggles to ask for help — afraid it will signal decline or dependence. But when we refuse help, we deny others the chance to give.

We forget that giving and receiving help are both deeply human acts. When someone has the courage to ask, they also offer the gift of purpose and connection to the one who responds.

A younger woman helping an older woman out of a car.

The Bigger Picture: How Society Frames “Need”

Asking for help is stigmatized not just in individuals, but in our systems. We see it in how we treat those who need public support — families relying on WIC or SNAP, individuals using unemployment benefits, or students needing accommodations.

We’ve created a narrative that needing help makes someone “less than.” But what if we reframed it?

When someone uses a support system, it gives the rest of us the opportunity to contribute, to build compassion, and to feel connected. When we degrade those who ask for help, we lose that connection — and the gap between the “haves” and “have-nots” grows even wider.

Helping others isn’t just charity. It’s community.

A Leadership Activity: The Power of Asking and Giving Help

In my leadership workshops, I often create an activity around this theme.

Step 1: Ask for Help – Each participant writes down one small thing they need help with that they could ask for today.
Step 2: Offer Help – Then they write one thing they could help someone else with.
Step 3: Exchange – They find someone to exchange with.

The lesson?The act of asking builds trust.The act of giving builds connection.Together, they build community — the heart of leadership.

Redefining Leadership: Connection Over Control

We need to stop teaching that strength equals independence. True strength is interdependence — the understanding that leadership thrives when help flows both ways.

If we want our children, teams, and communities to thrive, we must model the courage to say:

“I can’t do this alone.”

That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.